*Originally should have been posted in March*
It’s been a bit…but here we are.
Spring. Spring is here, after a long winter. And with spring comes newness. Year after year, without fail, creation has a way of showing up with an in-your-face testament of God’s Grace.
Matchless. Breath-taking. Awesome.
This spring, we are facing more challenges and situations that demand answers and action all at once than we’ve had in our nearly 7 years of marriage. Our second vehicle broke down, so we need additional transportation. Our lease is up in 2 weeks, so we need a place to live. Our finances are tight and insufficient, so we need a job change. Three major needs for living, and they all demand attention. Now.
My reaction to all of this has been fight-or-flight. Anxiety. Stress. Playing scenarios over and over in my head on repeat like a bad dream. Nightmarish. Exhausting!
They’re just things. Earthly things. Necessary, yes, but earthly. And my mindset has been earthly focused. My focal point has been way off base. Me-centric, people-pleasing, selfish.
Today I was faced with a choice of how to react to a conversation. My first thought was to act – start looking for a car; look into another housing possibility. My vision was literally clouded, I was unfocused, irritable, irrational.
My burden was lifted. The curtain fell from my eyes; I could breathe again. My focus was where it should be. I had zero answers to our situation. But I had immense peace about it.
By doing the next right thing. I was so overtaken with anxiety over what to do next that I forgot what to do next. Lunch. Diapers. Nap. Cuddles. The next right things. I didn’t change my circumstances. I changed my response, my attitude. I prayed – and the cloud lifted.
But doing the next right thing should be easy…right? Should be, yes. But it wasn’t for me. I’m a fixer. My first response to such a conversation is to fix it. Even though the situation is our responsibility, it wasn’t mine to handle at that point. It was, and is, God’s. Because it is all in His hands. Yes, we make choices, decisions to move our family forward. But He provides the means and opportunities. I’m just a vessel.